i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
