Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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