we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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