Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize