AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
