TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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