I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
