I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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