Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize