I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
