Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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