Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
