I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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