My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
