I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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