Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
