My liver just broke up with me...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
