think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
