He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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