that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
