it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
