Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
