You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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