who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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