Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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