I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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