dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
