Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
