Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
