I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she peed on how many people?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
