so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
