she looked like the before picture.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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