ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize