I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
