So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
