just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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