now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
