Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
