don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
