Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
