haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
