I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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