I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
