she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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