Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
