Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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