What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
