For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
