I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize