even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
