he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
