someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
