My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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