anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
