Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's get the cat blown out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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