I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
