If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
