Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
