actually, I'm a sock model
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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