I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
