where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
