I could have mohawked her pubes.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
