Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
