I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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