Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
