There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
