I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You ruined the universe
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
