On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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