I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
