he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
