so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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