I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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