You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
