Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize