good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
