she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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