idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
