I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
