I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
