We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize