Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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