My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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