How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
