Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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