Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
