I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Found your dick twin last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
