im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
