If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
