I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
