ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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