omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
