U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
