Say something about gay babies.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
