I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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