either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
